“The Lucky Bastard”-Book-3- Excerpts-1 of-3

We met at First National City Bank of New York’s, collections department. Let’s call her Ruth. Recent hire at Commodity Service Company (Jamaica) Limited as Customs Clerk. Went for import documents on frequent basis. I addressed her, “Miss.” Nineteen or twenty years old then, I acted as brought up. She was, I figured. late thirties in late twenties bloom and married. An occasion, she scolded. “Listen! I don’t want people think me is granny or old fowl. So please drop the Miss. I am not much older than you anyhow, and further. I am a gentleman’s wife, not a spinster.” From that day, we got on first name basis. Got her, Marlboros at wholesale price. Phillip Morris introduced new brand, Paxton. Ruth wanted to try few packs. Mrs. G, a director. Sent her three packs. Phillip Morris perpetual calendar and Paxton lighter, with compliments. She refused the lighter, sneered at, saying. “My husband would be happy with that cheap, trinkety stuff, but not me. Anything I own has substance and quality to it. I’m only treasure my husband has ever acquired. Sadly, he doesn’t know it, much more appreciate what he has.” “I will get you a good lighter with substance and rare quality.” I promised. Went to Lascelles-Delmar’s, corner Church and Harbour Streets. Bought a brushed stainless steel, Ronson butane lighter. Had three adjustable flame positions. Works more than two years before being cleaned and refueled. Steve McQueen probably used similar in his 1960 role, “Man from the South.” More than sixty years later, still has the Paxton. Had lighter gift wrapped, gave it to Ruth. She declared. “Lunch is on me this Friday. No excuses.” Steered her to my favourite place, The Arms. Church and Port Royal Streets. Dinner and dessert treat later that night was at “Paradise Cove” in East. “Oh! What a night” I beamed, as memories titillated my senses. At lunch table, after ordering, I snuffed silence, said. “Can I ask you a personal question?” “No need to ask, I’ll tell you. I gave it up right after turning seventeen.” She volunteered. “Gave up what!? Meat?” Her having ordered seafood.“Oh, you are funny. You crack me up, like milk on cornflakes. My virginity, silly. Can you believe that? How about you?” “First, I’d never ask when you lost…., even if we’re getting married. I would not. If you volunteered, I would not plug my ears and hum. Second, men don’t lose virginity.” “Okay, you’re being semantic or signific. When was first time you had sex with a girl? I hope it was a girl. I am sorry! That just came out. It was not rehearsed, I swear it wasn’t. Forgive me, kind Sir.” She said, whilst stifling laughter peals without success.“I mean! When was your very first time? Come on! We are both adults.” “I can’t forget my first time, when I was almost twelve. Was working a woman. Told her I peed. She kicked me off the bed. Vexed stiff and cursed me out. Said, I was trying to breed her.” “Twelvvve!! How old was this woman?” “I don’t know, certainly, mid to high twenties. Her boyfriend went to work at Guantanamo. I ran errands for her, one thing led to another.” She stared at me, said. “Man! You tell that to right people. They put you face on money right away. You’ve been hero long time. That was way too early. What got you started. Just curiosity with female anatomy, or what?” “I figure, unlike some persons. Being natural birth product. On way out, I tasted good stuff. Was addicted from git go, still am. When doctor saw me smack my lips. Didn’t bother smacking my rump and kill my joy.” “You should be on stage, you are a funny guy. Your pencil should be down to eraser now. Given your addiction and time you been active.” Amid sipping soup, asked. “What was your personal question? Don’t think I am trying to avoid. I’ll either answer or tell you I don’t want to. So, ask away.” I said. “You always have a lit cigarette on your desk. I have never seen you toke. It burns to ash, you light another?” She replied. “It’s a long story, but I’ll make it short. I was in an A Level high school study group. We smoked weed. I mean, everyone did, except me. Each time I tried, I coughed uncontrollably. Puked my guts out. Then, I found out that being in the room. Surrounded by fumes, everything flowed. I could wrap up difficult subjects. Get marks with flying colours. It’s same thing on the job. When I have a lit cigarette in front me. As smoke wisps, whiffs and wafts about. I get this brain surge ability. You know what I mean? To accomplish so much more, like a miracle. It sometimes scares me, if I stop to think about it. So I don’t. I do not light up at home or in sight my daughter. There are so many things I did as a teenager, which she has done. I don’t want her lighting up. God forbid.” “How old is your daughter? You talk about her a lot.” “She’s in high school, you know that.” Reading my stare, she said. “There’s a pact between us, we do not tell each other’s ages. Or things we share, to acquaintances or friends. We will each tell who we want to, or not at all.” “Is there anything you can tell me about her without breaking the silence code or pact?”

Ruth related how she began doing Girl Friday at the church office and had a crush on the young pastor They had sexual intercourse a number of times and she got pregnant. Her baby, whom we will call Susan. Was born close to when pastor’s girlfriend, whom he quickly married, had their first child. There ensued quite an upheaval over that and other intimate shenanigans by the pastor, at which time she stopped going to church. At this juncture I felt comfortable asking and did. “You still keep in touch with Susan’s dad. Or you, you know. Do malice thing?” Ruth got so excited she almost sprang from her chair. Made sure my ears were fastened, as she exulted.“Oooh! This, you gots to hear. Few years ago he called, asking me to lunch. Hating the wutliss, good-for-nothing Son-of-a-Bitch, overcome by curiosity. I said, yes. He began knocking Darlene, said she was this and that. Caught her drinking, thinks she’s gone out her mind.  I thought to me. “Living with a mongrel like you. Who wouldn’t lose their mind? Thank God, it’s not me.” Oh, he went on and on. She can’t fulfill official role in church. The dawg reached across the table, placed his hand over mine. “You know, Ruthie. We were meant for each other. I have never stopped loving you. And I hope...” I felt ten devils rise in and empowered me. Grabbing his hand, I flung it. Scooped tablecloth, plates, food, knife and fork. Made a club and beat that whoring parson’s head and face, corner to corner, till him senseless. Him try get up and the chair turn over, spilling him on the floor. I beat that mongrel till him look like corn stalk. Him dyam lucky people intervened. I still got two good firm kicks, zero in him pride zone as he tried crouching under the table. Hollering. “Ruthie! Ruthie!! It’s me.” As if I didn’t dam well know. Owner made him pay tab, but did not press charge for damage. Police said I could walk away, because there was no blood.” See how Islanders settle squabbles? We do not cart people off to jail for every misunderstanding. No blood drawn in dust up, you walk away happy. Takes scarce resources to house and keep people in jail. There was no murder plot in this affair.  Ruthie was teenager with crush on man she looked up to. 

“The Lucky Bastard”-Book-3-Excerpts-2 of-3

Here I am, visiting Elizabeth, New Jersey. Taken to a hangout of retired black men and few whites. Place was touted, hostel for able-bodied retired males with guaranteed income. Pride and joy were their dogs first, and sweethearts next. Old black men, hearty and hale at 80’s and 90’s, paired with women in late teens, early twenties. They talked and spat in wild abandon. One had to keep an eye on them, as at anytime in between boasting about their dog. A stream of saliva could geyser forth without pause in gabbing. “Hey, Jeb. Saw Charlotte by the market. That girl keeps looking better every time I see her, hmm, hmm, hmm.” “Ole Charlotte, due for trade-in.” “Peers to me she still got miles to go afore.” “Maybe so, but. New models comes with newer tricks and gadgets. Better acceleration and quicker response to stimuli. What’s more, Charlotte done gone turned all of 29. Soon she be off almanac. See what I’m saying?” “I hear what you saying. I still say that girl got some good miles left on her. She being broken in and all.” When it came to their dogs which they took cooning, boasting had no semblance to reality. “Your dog is a mutt. I walked by him stretched out on the porch, he never ever grunted.” “Well, see now. My Coon Hound knows friend from foe. He had just finished supper and watching world news. Your dog never watches news. He be just one ignorant, flea bitten, bonehead mutt. Jest like you other mutt, who ups and chased the dog catcher. Took him to pound and gassed his ass.” That started comedy hour, knee slapping, eye watering laughter. Old dude got fired up, went on. “Every dog knows, the one person you never go after is the dog catcher. You run and hide, not go chasing him.” Housemaster introduced himself as hostel’s owner. Let’s call him Starkey. Had a yacht on the harbour, answered his CB Radio with an animal handle. A walking computer, kept records in his head. Lodging, food, loans and advances for gambling or other needs, were made to residents. Pending arrival of pension or social security cheque. A man asked for a ten. Starkey gave update on his debt, which he disputed. Starkey recalled from memory, daily itemized listing of all his transactions over the current period. Man eventually agreed, with apology. Hand on my shoulder, Starkey guided me towards inner area. “The news not good coming out of paradise. Oh no, it isn’t.  Hoodlums running amok, you gots to prepare yourself. Sit here my boy. Because you Doug’s friend, I be you friend.” Handing me bit of pungent smelling, jelled preserve, he said. “This here my boy, is genuwine southern hoghead cheese. It’s like Vatican sacrament, preserved and fed only to them that are worthy.” Next, stone cup was taken off shelf, matching eared stoneware flagon. Being hoisted on the large, rough, wooden table. Another man joined Starkey around the flagon. I watched with interest.“You think she ready to blow?” “Only one way find out.” One struck match against his trouser, Starkey eased stopper a crack.  A subdued poof, plug was made fast in flagon’s mouth. Both sighed with relief. One said to other. “She ready to blow, almost did too. This here my boy, is genuwine southern corn whiskey. Slow brewed and aged under watchful orbits of many moons. Few are those who are privileged as you are, to say to your children. “I tasted of that, prepared for the Gods. And it was good beyond words to describe, to the last itsy bitsy drop.” It was like liquid fire coursing down my throat and into my stomach. I shuddered, shook my head, eyes watered, my insides were on fire. Too late, I asked me. Why didn’t I just let the cup pass? My most compelling experience has never been uttered to anyone, anywhere before. Maybe, because I endure skepticism as to veracity, and yet. There is a nagging ring of reality to it. More I think about it, possibility takes ascendancy. We first spoke on my third visit. ”You gonna be taking up hospitality here?” “You mean, like living with you guys?” “Yeah! That’s what I meant.” “No, I got a home, family and all that.” “Pussy in barn, no need for whores?” “That’s right.” “I asked because, if’n you was gonna come. I’d want to give you tips about housemaster. He takes a lot and gives very little. Brags to everyone, this a hostel for retired men like you and me. Truth is, he runnin’ a flophouse.” “What’s flophouse, like whorehouse?” “They close, sometimes be hard to tell one from other. Where you from? I be trying to figure your talking but can’t get cats or kittens.” “I’m from Jamaica.” “Jamaica, you said there now? You sure talk strange. Got folks on Jamaica Avenue. Not never heard from them no more.” “Which Jamaica you talking about? I am from Jamaica, West Indies. The Caribbean, 90 miles from Cuba.” “There’s a Jamaica next to Cuba? I did not know, but see here now, bend over. Can’t let anyone hear this, sure get my ass kicked. But you know something that’s fixed with me? I likes the guy Custer, oh yes siree. Tells Uncle Sam to go fu.. himself, while chomping his cigar. That takes cannons atween legs.” “Who is Custer?” “Dude runs Cuba, that’s who.” “You mean, Castro?” “Oh, I known it be something close. Castro? I must try remember that. I travel the world in three wars, never heard any place named Jamaica.” “You fought in three wars?” “I ain’t never said such thing. Said, I traveled three wars. Ain’t nothing about fightin’. Fightin’ gets you kilt.” “Kilt? You mean, like skirt worn by Scots?” “What’s matter with you? I said kilt, when you be dead and next buried.” I never known your country, but I like you. Cuz I seen you listening, but do not talk a lot. Hates a dude jest opens his trap like a female, dadburn it. Let me ask you. Ever done something no One knows, and it’s killin’ you inside, kinda itchy like?” “Not really, like what?” “Like something you know someone would give anything, jest to know.” “Can’t say I have anything like that. I touch a guy’s wife or girlfriend. See him and think to myself. “If he only knew.” “You ever kilt anyone?” “Oh no! Not me, not yet.” “I done it. Not one, two. I was thirteen. That be eighty-one years gone.” “You ninety-four now, and you killed two people at thirteen? You joking! Right?” “One never jokes about killin’ That’s serious business, and people don’t like dying. No, Sir. I seen weak and feeble, let’s mice and roaches picnic in they house. Puts up fight to last breath. When comes time they be dying. I tell you now but ask no questions. Anything missin’ is purpose. I said I like you, did not say I was stupid. It be hard to reckon, and there’s times I can’t. Them here folks were real old, never went about much. Wanted to visit kin, go the Burg, but see now. There was no Trailways, Greyhound. Most everyone stayed put. My papa always say to me, when I go the general store. Go ask if’n there be anything I get them. Cause, you know, they be slow walkin’ and all. So, this day I comes up by the barn door and asks him, and he says, yes. I follows him jest to harking at the old lady. He says to me, stay here, then goes his way. Only, he come back again and says, stay here. I been in that house afore, fixin’ his rifles and guns many times. My pa taught me early. I was better than he ever was. Never was a shootin’ iron I could not make right. So, I gets to thinkin’ hard. What’s up with old dude? Now, he peeps out again to see if I be stay here. So, I gets all itchy. You know? Goes catty paddy feet, watch him take a saddlebag. Comes out the bag with money in bundle. Begins to, you know, search it. I tell you now, my knees went weak. I ain’t never seen so much money all in one place all at one time. I don’t know if I made sounds or what, he saw me. Dropped the bag and came straight at me. Puts both his hands around my throat and squeeze my life away. “You little varmint, told you stay there.” He kept saying as he squeezed tighter. More I tried get away, tighter he held on. I shoved him real hard, he fell. Started to get up, then lay down and was very still. Now, I very frighted, did nothing. Thought helpin’ him up, did nothin’. Stood in slow freeze calling his name. Old geezer was not gonna answer. Old lady heard ruckus, came runnin’. She saw me first, then her geezer on the floor. Started yelling my name, fetched herself one of them heavy iron skillet. Came at me with that skillet, I tell you. Scared to shittin’, wrested the skillet from her, bonked her one. After she went down, bonked her again and again, until I was not sure what I doing. Got rid the skillet down Indian well, took the saddlebag and waded down crick. Now, I done figured I can’t keep the money. Very first dollar I spend, sure fit my neck to a rope. Happy regrets, set that saddlebag afloat’n down the crick. Lawmen comes from near, then start comin’ from afar askin’ same questions over and over from everyone. Years went by, they comes again, asking questions. They looked at me and woulda kept lookin’, ceptin’ that the head said. “Uncle Sam be looking for young men like you.” So, lie my age. Took me up and going with Uncle Sam wherever sent. Meals, board, sometimes a place to lay my head. Couldn’t expect more than, especially when. You know? After a while, if they figured anything out, they kept to themselves. Very quick now, old folks was buried right there. Old folks and lawmen went, new folks and lawmen came to hear about matters still unsolved. They asked questions here and there, but as always, there was no answer. Through them years, I tell you I almost gone crazy. Time came I was afeared sleepin’. That old man kept tryin’ to squeeze me dead while I sleep. Woke sweatin’ and tremblin’. To the day my papa died. He never said or asked word of me. I reckon however, he done reckon me for evil. Cause he looked that kind of known something look. Was not go ask though. Cause he done figure, I would up and lie. When he done tell, lying be taking him for fool. This gets him riled to kilt someone, including his own. I was not be standing still and be kilt by anyone. Including my own. So, he never ask, and by jove I never lie. My throat dry, can you do anything about it?” “Mine dry too, though I ain’t been talking.” “Well, come on then, let’s go down to the Speakeasy.” “What’s Speakeasy?” “We going there, you’ll see. Won’t you?” Turned out, place was an illegal bar, selling liquor under the counter.“I can tell you things, your hair turns rope on your head without you touching. I known a sweetheart, kills a wife so she gets with the husband. Before the date comes circle, he be dead too. She kilt a Lamplighter, a Wheelwright and a Skull Cracker before she was thirty. She was mean and evil through and through. Kinda woman you looks at her. Your body just shivers for no reason.” “You mean she was a “Cat Ballou?” “That be what you call em in Jamaica?” “No, that’s character from 60s American musical. Nat King Cole was part of the cast, sang the theme song.” “I ain’t never much a picture person.” “So the woman you knew. Killed a man by cracking his skull?” “Don’t you know nothing? Get over to the hostel, Friday at ten. I be there. We talk some more but remember. Gotta bribe my tongue to keep it awaggin’.” Rehashing his tale, told me it was a yarn devised to get free liquor. What if it were true? I mused. Driven by curiosity, got to the hostel, Friday morning. Not seeing him, not knowing his name. I enquired, describing him as best I could. “Oh, you talking bout old Gramps Tingaling? He be in hospital real sick. I seen him. And seen bucket at his foots. With very slim chance coming out by his own.” “I am sorry to hear. He seemed hearty and all, last I saw him.” “He be hearty all right. But he done been told by Doc, not to have alcohol. Specially, not none of that Mountain Doo.” “Mountain Dew? That’s soda. That ain’t no liquor. He diabetic?” “Where you from? I know you ain’t from here, by yer talking.” “I’m from Jamaica.” “Well, listen good. Maybe in Jamaica there’s Mountain Dew. But here, there’s Mountain Doo and there’s Mountain Dew. Careful what you ask for, careful what you get. But to answer your question, he ain’t dawbetic. No siree, licker been his enemy. Cause long time ago, he had him more than his fair share. Around here, everyone kept eye for him. But, a Santy came by in May. Got him all lickered up and he ain’t been pretty since. Can you believe? Santy Claus in May? Santy Claus comes special like, in middle of May?” This was circa 1980. Gramps Tingaling, our storyteller was 94 years old. Makes 1886 his birth year. Life’s year 13 was 1899. Is it feasible within limits of investigative tools and scientific resources lacking at that time. To accept someone getting away with double murder? Even back then, had he been questioned by cops.

“The Lucky Bastard-Book-3-Excerpts-3 of 3

The day has a ways to go, it’s just about 14:18 hrs. I walk towards Marlin Drive bus shed. At this stop there are more loafers than riders. Former takes all seats and latter stands close to kerb. Kinda aroma wafting from seats can be a bit unsavoury. I scan faces and One is staring me with a frown, curiosity and “What the hell is he so damned happy about” face, reflecting inner angst. I am still imbued with “That happy feeling” stepping off the bus. Had I known. Driver would react so enthusiastic to my showing gratitude. Would have rode to Florida City and tried making a mark. What!? She’s woman. I am man. This woman too is young, say twenty-eight thirty-two, fair complexion. Hard to guess ethnicity. Native American, Hispanic, Filipino. Is her pout natural or disturbed mindset. A partially eaten Avocado is at her side. I would love to get pit to plant. Flesh is more than an inch thick, solid and dry. What is a “dry” Avacado? It stayed on stem until fit. Fell when near ripe but not yet soft. Flesh when eaten is like hard-boiled egg yolk. Very little moisture, it’s almost powdery. You got to be island raised to know these things. Both cheeks implode as she swigs hard on stogie that lost flame last year. Rummages in generic grocery bag at her feet, keeps eye on me. I see Imodium, petroleum jelly, odds, ends and Bick lighter. Flicks it once, twice, it flames on third hard try. She lights her stogie, pulls hard, it glows. Mentally ruminating, I am caught off guard as she stares me hard and quite unexpectedly, asks. “You wanna say something? Now is as good a time as any. Don’t just stand there and not say nothing. We are not in the Galleria. I am not in frame on wall. I’m alive, like you, so say something.” I say. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to stare you, I was….” “Forget sorry! What’s your name?” “My name is, Len.” “I am, Cera.” Pulls hard on her stogie, that’s gone cold during our brief exchange. She bends over, begins rummaging her bag. “It’s in your lap.” I tell her. “Thank you.” She replies. Says, as she flicks without success. “At least, you stare with purpose. Some o them just….” Keeps flicking her Bick, harder and harder. You notice? She’s silent. Can’t talk and flick simultaneously. Flicking needs undivided concentration. Bick not coming to life, she pauses and stares vacantly. “It’s the cold, f...ed up my nose and everything else. Pardon my English. Cold in day, then hot in night. Next day hot, next night cold. I can’t take this f...in’ bi-polar weather. Pardon my English. Waitin’ on 35?” “I am. How you know?” “How do I know? What you mean. How do I know? Only four buses come thru here. The 34 not stop, it hauls ass like a bandit. You got off 38. If you wanted 31, you’d a sat your ass on 38. So, you can only be waitin’ on 35 or 35A.You think I f...in’ escape from the big house? If you not waitin’ on 35, then you f...in’ lost. Pardon my English.” “You are correct. I am waiting on 35.” “You going, Campbell Drive?” “No, I’m going farther, 288 Street.” Quick thinking tells me I blundered. Campbell Drive is 300 and up street. She asks. “You sure you know where you going? I’m out here because the f...in’ bi-polar weather. Pardon my English.” She rummages her bag, I say to her. “The common phrase is. “Pardon my French. I never heard…” “You talk French?” “No, but I...” “So, why would I say, “Pardon my French? You’re Jamaican! Aren’t you? You’re not Haitian. Jamaicans talk English. If you was talking to…” Pauses, stares north at bus idling while signal serves opposing traffic. “Forget the bus. See how he aimin’ to steer wide? That’s 34. When he gets green, he passes here makin’ more dust and shit than f…in’ hurrican. Pardon my English. Don’t ask if I was talkin’ to the Haitian. I don’t mess with them people. I tell you why, soon as I find my beer.”  Cera comes up with a can, pops the tab and takes a long swig. As she comes down for breath, She goes on.“Let me tell you bout me and them Haitian motherf…ers. Pardon my English.” Two buses are at the signal. Now, I’m curious and thinking. Might have to let this bus pass me by. There will be others. One whizzes by, a 34, other is a 31. “This woman at the clinic took sides with me. You know? I go for Covid shot. Cuz I scared o that shit. And, out here on the street, you never know. It not I scared dying, if I just stop breathin’ sudden like. Don’t do no chest thump and all that shit. Ain’t nothin’ going on here anyway. Might as well try someplace else and see, maybe it better. I know it can’t get no more worse. Not with this f...in’ bi-polar weather. Pardon my English. So, she be kinda friend and I sometime go and see her, as she say I can work for her at the kitchen. Wash dish and pot, sweep and such, but always stay out sight. You know? She fear customer come and recon my face. F... up her business. I see things without sign and arrow. Kitchen close for day, I at sink. Wash pot and husband be all time say. He give $20 for it. I pay the f...er no mind. Pardon my English. He come and rub stump my ass. I say to him. In the donut is hell hot and you try go in. The Devil f... you up real good. Pardon my English. So, help youself and leave sweet donut. I go out to have beer and smoke ten minute. He come and call, say to finish so he can lock the kitchen. I go and begin the scrub. See the hand go by and put pair o twenty on shelf, front my eyes. I rest again and look, then start again the scrub. I feel again, stump on my ass and hands come from back to search for what in front. I say. Stop, motherf…er. Pardon my English. He stuff the hand and dress in the…I swing pot, it touch his head. Never my aim, but it touch. He make like half, I don’t know. But he make the fist and again the pot, it touch his head. He grab the shelf and all things fall to floor in scatter. He crawl on knee to get something hard. So, I leave. No more I go to kitchen. And he give me tip, so I take pair o twenty too. F... him up really and I think f... me too. Pardon my English. Maybe, he say I first attack, then rob and run. F...ers always make story before make move. Pardon my English.” A bus roars by, 34. Two others caught by red. She says. “I think, one them your 35. Tell me before your bus come. You think police look for Cera.” “I don’t know. Depends on what they tell cops and…”What the!? Another 38 and 31? What!? 35 and 35A stop runnin’?” She hails a man in his fifties, asks him a question in Spanish. Surprises me, she’s bilingual, maybe multi. Man ignores her question. She calls, louder. “Manolo!” Repeats Spanish query. He sighs, spreads both palms in resigned exasperation. Responds, slowly counting each word in Spanish. Cera mumbles in Spanish, disdainfully eyeing Manolo. Her mouth tells, she just uttered a cuss word or phrase. Now comes minute for decision, a 35A rolls up to signal and waits. Cera is poised to respond to my question. Decision made to let that bus pass and wait on another. Takes out my phone, it’s only 15:38 hrs. Cera points.“There’s your bus. Not going home? Don’t look at me. I ain’t got no place me own going to.” “There will be other buses. I enjoy talking with you.” “You do!? Why? Wanna put pair twenty also? Hope motherf...er didn’t die. No matter what. I don’t want murder in my diary when Devil opens up, start readin’ to judge me. That f...er not cut nobody any slack. Pardon my English. Once you get to where he at, you know you be f...ed. Pardon my English. Still, happy I f...ed up kitchen man. Pardon my English. Took his pair o twenty too.” Pauses, thinks in silence, resumes. “F...ed me too. Pardon my English. I is f...in’ fugitive. Pardon my English. Can’t go clinic, can’t go….Look, I talk to you because I say. Why the f... not? Pardon my English. You different from them around me. We not learn anything to talk. Is like shakin’ mud in basket, hopin’ to see money.  Hey! See your 35 at red light.” “Yeah, I’m gonna get this one. You need money?” “Why stupid question you ask? People walkin’ on money and want more. What you think I got?” Reaching to my pocket, she tells me. “Don’t do it here. Do it on the bus. I come on last. Give you time. Don’t be no one or two dollar, waste my f...in’ time. Pardon my English. If you cannot spare, keep your lunch money.” I swipe card.Takes and gives her a ten dollar. She’s focused on driver, greets. “Hi, Frankie. You late? Give me two minutes.” Asks me. “You got fives? Round here, people like me, try pay with big money. They call cops on your ass. Say you bushwhacked person waitin’ on bus. Thank you, Len. Have nice day, Frankie.” She steps off the bus. Frankie stares telepathic question at me. I walk towards high seats in rear. Every time I look up, it’s Frankie eyeballing me via the mirror. Does he not look where he’s going? What’s his problem? Ride takes 35-45 minutes to my stop and Frankie keeps glancing back there. I tell me, maybe that’s their policy to monitor bus. Quickly dismisses the thought. Bus has numerous cameras inside, and it would be unsafe. Operator monitoring bus in travel. Bus at Community Partnership Drive stop, and it’s Frankie in the mirror. I am enjoying his misery. As he waits for 127 avenue traffic to ebb, I pull yellow cord. Seated in rear, naturally will exit via rear door while yelling a “Thank you.” Frankie catches my eye and finger beckons me to him.  Frankie stops, opens both doors, releases air, psssh. Leans close to the plexiglass. “Don’t be offended, Pops. But I gotta ask. You gettin’ your jollies on with that lady?” “No, Sir. Am not. You know her?” “Everyone knows Cera. I seen money play and say to myself. “Is Pops takin’ advantage this lady, because? She’s not lost, you know. Someone, somehow, switched tracks on her when she wasn’t looking. You know? Brief distraction. Her folks live out there on Campbell Drive. You know? Far west end with them estate homes on five acres and bigger lots?” “Thing is, Frankie. You took so freakin’ long coming. We got to talking and I figured I would buy her next few  beers.” “Yeah! She loves her beer. You a good man, Pops. I will keep an eye out for.” Today was a good day. Next foray will be soon. I have an “Olympus” digital voice recorder but cannot find instruction leaflet. Then again, Cera may not agree to be taped. It’s hard to recall ongoing conversation, verbatim. I’ve done pretty good so far. This is my social outreach project. I am still in guarded quest for Cera’s story, although somewhat inhibited.Today is Tuesday, January 31^st. On way to Post Office at area I once resided, miles north from where I live. Opened this address 1994. That’s for twenty-eight years and never changed. Seated on left, I peer through bus window and free rollers are absent. On return trip I sit right and again peers as bus stops. It was about this time on day I first met Cera. Today there’s no One in idle. Bus drives on to next stop, a mile away. Woman sitting, her back to street, fits Cera’s profile. She raises her head and swiggles from a can. I rise and “Back doe, please.” Green light comes on, I touch door, it opens. “Hi, Cera.” “Hi, Len. Where you been? I looked all over for you.” “I looked for you too, but you were not where you used to be.” “Truck come for power wash the bus stop. If we don’t get our asses out fast, f…ers power wash us too.” “I thought you went back to Campbell Drive.” “What you know about Campbell Drive?” “Frankie was telling me ab….” “F… Frankie.” “You know? He saw me give you money. Thought I was paying for…You know?” “Frankie think you and he same, but that could not make it stick. Broke ass motherf..…Why you lookin’ for me? Want piece Cera, too?” “No! That’s not me, honestly.” “I believe you. You old man. Stump still work? I mean, other than pissin.’ Don’t lie, Len. That how old men die. First the stump and everything else follow.” “Where you sleep nights.” “I go Campamento near back there. People not see, because grass and bush high, but sometimes too. Ghost let’s me sleep in room on mall he work.” “He works somewhere?” “I just told you. He drive sneaky cart round and round, so I sleep. Then he give me his jacket. So if anyone see, I look like him and key for box and he sleep. I go out and do one box, two box, then I think. F… this shit. Run the cart in dark sorta place and I never want sleep. But f…, nobody control sleep. So, I wake and see police and Ghost and he fired. So, I have to make him. You know? Not hate or do shit because I f…ed up.” A pause ensues. It takes time to digest what. I mean, what I am hearing can’t be real. She acts as security, wearing his uniform jacket while he sleeps? Boxes she mentions are affixed at various points. Inserting key, attests to patrol’s presence. She guzzles her beer, then asks. “You gonna go get me few beer for my bag?” “Sure. I can do that.” She looks at me, long and hard. “How old you be? Cause I thinkin’ maybe you not old as I think. You happy to buy beer for me. You might be settin’ me up for stump session, like motherf….in kitchen. Hope, didn’t kill him.” “You born Florida, Cera?” “No, I from Valparaiso. You know where?” “I’ve heard the name. Is it Brazil?” “No, where I come from is Chile. Maybe more place Brazil name Valparaiso. I not know. Mi padre tell long story, Allende and Pinochet and America bushwhack and when they leave. Many die, and who not die, poor. You not tell me how you old?” “How young you be?” “You don’t know?” “How am I suppo…” “You don’t ask woman her age. You look at her and if you like what you see. You shut the f…up and do your best for her.” “Tell me about Chile.” “I in America. Why we talk about Chile?” “You went to college? Universidad?” “Didn’t get to the university. Went Catholic high school and padre took new woman, after my mother left him. She said she came to America to send for us, but shit happened. I don’t know what. Padre, he not tell children anything, and we not infante, we big. This woman was mean motherf…..Nice for us when padre around. Loco Diablo when he goes. I remember one time. I sit to study for the high test. She say I come and help take hair off da birds. Padre had mules for work, two horse f… other horse and he get paid. Pig, sheep, goats, llamas and different birds. Chicken and turtle. What the….I say turtle but mean to say, turkey. People they come make order and padre kill and strip hair for when they come. If not strip good or not ready, they go other place. I strip hair and sweat like a motherf…..She comes back with bird and say. “Look this. You see this good strip?” So, I lookin’ and she hold the feet and slap my face with the big bird. I fall on head and hand twist back, begin think. Virgin Mother Mary. I kill motherf….. one day and beg forgive.” Did you notice? Expletives are no more followed by “Pardon my English.” That was for when I was stranger. Now I am, let’s say, guarded acquaintance. There’s no need to be apologetic for saying what comes to mind. I guess, if it upsets me she couldn’t care less. In my British heritage, we say. “Familiarity breeds contempt.” I am not put out, just an observation. It was really tiring, her following every cuss word with “Pardon my English.” We are buying beer. I try introducing her to “Red Stripe” but there’s only twelve pack bottles. There are two guys in the store. Clerk attending. Other stands back, arms folded. Says to clerk something in Spanish. Clerk looks at me and shrugs with slight side head shake. Sale done, we begin walking out. Other guy says. “Hey! I know you f…in hobos are always thirsty. But you wait till you across street before popping that tab.” Clerk smiles and says.”Pay him no mind. Enjoy your beer, Sir. But please, don’t open it on premises.” We walk out, Cera says. “That skinny, starving motherf……was tellin’ the guy to ask you identify. Hey! You did neat trick back there with that card. How can I get one those? That’s some fancy shit you got going for you. It’s not right, things like that not part of my…. f… that.” “So, did you kill stepmother or?” “That motherf….. was smart. Padre always sell birds for peso. Only when horse come for f… he take American dollar money. Beatriz, she begin ask dollar for birds. Some people stop buy. Padre come, he snort and kick like mule. Beatriz move in with dude who own saloon. Padre surprise, but not me. I know she f…in’ him very long time. Leavin’ that motherf….. Beatriz outside. I was happy child. It was not best life but was not worst either. I saw in school, hungry kids and no shoe they feet. But padre he say, let’s go America for better life. He make slow sale and get best money for horse and house and things. Then all we seven leave for America. Go boat night down river and morning I wake. See big gator swimmin’ beside. F…er hands pray to Diablo for one fall over in water. We go this place, stay six months. Go again on bus to next place and there we stay very long time. We do that two time or maybe more and then. Padre say, next time we go border into America. Big night and everybody ready for border. We march and more march. Then shit and helicopter and f…ers be run that way and this way. I scared shitless and lay down where I be. What run? Is all dark and….that was f…ed up. But I feel me and I alive, no bullet.” Coming to America: “Daylight, I in the fence with more kids. Blacks, Hispanics, Whites. Big numbers like Chivo animales. We go clinic, they test for this and that. Then we go some place else and stay. Then we move again and fly to other place. They ask questions and some kids go that way. Others go this way and take bus to Florida airport, I think. They tell us we near to war airbase but no worry. We stay for good time, then they say if someone come and adopt us we can go. I go with three girls to Lucia and Manuel in big house. You like casa grande? He boast and I not say nothing. What I like house for? His house, not for me. Lucia say we take shower an go to bed. Tomorrow is very busy day. We shower and talking slow bout this and that. Manuel come and finger at me. He walk outside to long black trailer tied to truck. He go in and finger say come. He start the feeling shit. I push the hand and go for out the door. Motherf…. lift me up like hay bundle for horse and slam me on trailer side. I fall on big cushion bag and all my air go whoosh and gone. No more air I have, swear. He do one time hard fast, take off wrap. Put another, then do again more fast. Next time he change, I go into sleep. Next day, everywhere he go, he take me and walk is very hard. I cannot see bomba but know it double size what always was and much hurt. Nowhere in sight I see Lucia. Some nights there is party and men come to drink and play. Then take girl to room and f…her dumb. You look at me? I can tell which girl got f…ed night before. Next morning she not talk. Make joke or ask anything, she just stare and maybe shake head. Evening come and she again talk. Sometime, next morning. Girl goes with man who f… she. Stay night and more girls come.  Len! I again ask. How old you be? I know you old, everybody see you old. No reason you can’t tell how old.” “I am seventy-five.” “For real? I think you was less old, like..I don’t know. Just less.” “So, what’s your plan for future? You can’t spend rest your life, here or there in Campamento. You are intelligent woman, multi-lingual and there’s opportunities waiting for someone like you. See all new things they building? Busway gonna be automated? Know what that means? Only riders with passes will be able to enter and wait for buses. No more chilling, resting feet and watching world go by.” Cera is silent in contemplation. I tell her. “I’m going now. Brought you beer money, but don’t have fives.” She asked. “You givin’ me pair o twenties.” “No, I don’t have that much. I will give you one.” “That’s you mighty nice, Len. You know? I really like you big. First time I saw you, my chest jumped. Kinda like woman get baby kick in her belly.” “Shite, she have pickney? Me can’t walk away now.” My thoughts ran wild. I asked. “You have children, Cera? How many?” She stared me under eyelids, said. “Let’s go over the chicken store, I hungry.” We go the chicken store, she orders a meal. I pay a twenty, gives her, meal and change. At point in time I said I’ll give Cera a twenty. Mindset was a going away, thank you, farewell. Because perils unknown lurks that can make for unhappy surprise. What if someone jumps me, motivated by jealousy. Something befalls Cera, God forbid. Next, I am “person of interest.” That’s where, after lengthy interrogation, someone asks. “You really expect me to believe all that baloney?” Curiosity demised the cat and common sense dictates, abandon this altruistic quest. But then, Cera relates how her chest jumped like baby kick in belly and avoids question on her giving birth. I walk away, mind wavering, stay or go. She has a child, or children? Where are they, how old?

Wednesday, February 15^th, the Ides are come. I set out for the airport. At Dadeland North, grilled meat aroma assails my nostrils. Decides to go over and. “Sell I a pound a dat ting there.” To assuage sudden hankering. Guardrail separates bus stop from restaurant. I attempt crossing over and whom do I see sitting there, but the indomitable, Cera. “Hi, Cera! You okay?” She’s slow responding, thinking what to say, or not say. “I liked you better when you stare and not say something stupid. I look okay? If you was sittin’ here like me. Tryin’ to work out your next move and nothing coming clear. Would you be okay?” “I asked, because. A girl told me you in hospital and I went there asking about you, but they told me…” “You done that, Len? I’m go tell you. Might come to you like I harsh vex and say to you, f…off. But that not what I really mean. Every time in life I got to tell someone. And then it come out like natural bad habit. Where you going?” “To the airport.” “You going Jamaica? Wish I could go with you.” “No, going Fort Myers.” “That where you woman be?” “No, going to see my daughter. Right now, going to buy ribs. Soon come.” Door sign reads. “Please wait to be seated.” No dining for me. I want grab and go. Comes back and rejoins Cera in silence, thinking This woman is wound up tight, anything said might unwind her anger.“I not never been airport. Can I come with you?” “You wanna?” “Len! I just…” “Yeah! yeah, yeah. So you did. I am sorry.” “Don’t sorry. Can you get me a ticket from the thing there?”  Giving her a one-day pass, she says. “That card is like f…in’ magic. Gets you anything, anywhere. I gotta go in the shed. See you up top.” I watch her move slowly towards the bathroom and ask me if something is wrong with her. I’ve never seen her in form other than sitting. Upstairs, there’s two trains on tracks. I go left and stand at open doors, watching sign streaming green. Rotate upper body to look at other train, and it too is streaming green. Turn round to first train, doors close, train begins moving away. Walk to schedule board, it shows only green trains. Enter next train and sees sign. No orange train from here today. Take green train to Earlington and switch to orange train to airport. I ask me. Wonder if Cera knows this? She likely does. Her being seasoned Wayfarer and all. Where is she? End on the line. Decides waiting to see if Cera arrives next train. Sit and glance here and there. Does a double take. That’s Cera way back there. “Cera! Thought you were on next train. Didn’t see you on this train.” Self reasoned. Four cars, lad. You rode only one. Get a grip. Cera’s silent, thinking again. I await her scathing retort. “Len! It’s here for you and not for me. You want me be your woman, you be my man? I very much like that, Len.” “I can’t, Cera.” “Why you say, can’t Cera? Why not say. Yes, Cera?” “I’ve got a wife at home, Cera.” “Len! Five, ten, twenty wife hold hands and put you fence inside. You do come out and wifes not know. If you want do it, Len. You do it. You not want, Len. Don’t say, you not can. Say, you not want to.” “You’re right, I don’t want to.” “Why? You say, Poison Ivy in the bomba get you?” “I don’t know.” Laughing. “You did tell kitchen man, stay clear, because. Seriously, Cera. Truth is, I like you, but not in intimate way. I would do if I can. Help you get in safe place and you get help being like others. You know? A job, taking care yourself, and we be very good friends.” “Friends f… too, Len. And it very nice for them. Know what I want, Len? For to be like on show and television. And they hug and kiss and they f… easy and no hurry. He not throw her on wall for dust out. He not hit the face and teeth lost in her belly till two days come back in the caca. I want f… happy, Len. Smile on face, smile in heart. Maybe you not say, Len. But stump sleep and no more stand and wave like uncle Batung.” “You saw your uncle wave his stump?” “I tell you now. I tell you only and first, padre. El gigante they call mi padre and he very much cruel, I tell you. Eleven years, and padre says to Batung. He, mother brother. Open fence for when Cera from school. I walk far, Len. Much very far. I want to wash before study and ask Batung he take up water for me. Padre always say us not go near waterhole or we fall in and not ever again we find. I wash and wrap to go in and Batung come. Lift me, carry inside. He begin lick here, lick there. (Hands on breasts and pubic area) Cover my eyes and think this strange. Roll over and creep to padre room. I say to Petuna next day what happen. She say I talk to Miss, who not nun. And she tell me what I do. I softly say to padre, but he get loud and stomp house. Then tell me, not say anything no One. Padre go with uncle Batung over mountain for sell mule. Only he come back. They look for Batung everywhere and say he gone with very young girl to far town across river. Long time they stop look, find man in tree and say clothes is Batung. Alphonse was queer, like horse padre sell f…other horse. Jumped up, shake his ass sideways and done. The baby come and his father said he would take care and I go back school. Padre drink tequila with him, that was that. I have no say in anything. But not know we soon leave for go to border. Alphonse go out with cuchillo grande to cut grass and not see snake where he grab. He cut snake, but snake bite he quick. Snake die quick. Alphonse, he die two days more. After I go back and study. Padre say we now leave. We go from first boat and El Lobo says all young women leave parents and help with children. Padre not like. But what he do? El Lobo wear gun and strap round belly with much bullet. El Lobo say one night, I come stay with he. He tell me, if no. He leave me in jungle for die. I worry, but no good happen. I wash, he wash and do with the mouth and wire hair like Batung do and then tell me. Kiss el dragone and rub it long and plenty quick. Then he says, take it in the mouth. I say, no and he slap hard the face. And again, he say. Take it in the mouth. And again, I cry and say, no. Por favor, El Lobo. Anything I do, but not the stump in mouth. Motherf…er hit my face harder than first and two teeth drop. One my hand, other lost in belly. He grab the neck and push me on dragone, but I not put it in my mouth. He throw me to floor and call Marigold. She take el dragone in mouth and happy. El Lobo tell her take two dress she like. I don’t earn them no more. So, she take and be very happy. So, they leave. Fifteen, twenty Bandoleros which El Lobo chief head. Wait for Comancheros when they come from cross river village and rob.” “You mean, robbers steal from robbers?” “No, Len. El Lobo Bandoleros rob Comancheros.” “But, Comancheros not robbers?” “Where you listen, hear that?” “I have record and song sing.” “Then the Comancheros came aridin’ thru the night. Stealin’ and akillin’, takin’ everything in sight. Nothin’ left behind but the blood in the sand.” “Len, the guy who sing, he hear same lie you hear. Comancheros were most from sea village. They had cloth and leather and tools and things they sell cross river people. Then search quartz and gold and silver and diamond stones to buy from Comancheros. El Lobo and Bandoleros they rob river people and Comancheros. They went and the rain it come down and never stop in sight and then sudden it stop. And the mountain road almost gone and the keepers put big trees to keep it safe. So, they bring from stealing, animales, and gold stones and more rich things. They find other road in shape, so they go that way. But I tell you, Len. Road on top was not road under and when they go. It break from hillside and everything and everyone go far down and nothing live. El Lobo wife, Estrella say all children belong to she. Or else she kill girl and child. So, I give second boy and many more girls do same. Witch get more child than she could do with. And then, next scout came to take us to border. He was Miguel Lazaro. Old like you and also kind, but one leg only. His boat fall over cliff in river and many more people die on rocks, also old man Lazaro. I’m going on that train, Len. Look for me when you get back.I want f…and be happy.” Just like that without pausing her life saga. I gave her $20 note, she said thanks and moves slowly towards the train. Does she have mobility impediment. Time is 18:17 hrs, about seven plus hours till bus arrives. Office opens forty-five minutes late. I buy ticket, $40.

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